The One About Love

15 Mar The One About Love

Hey y’all,

This feels almost cliché, but I can’t express how important this topic is. Finally finding it and allowing it to grow, well, it saved my soul. It mended my heart. We call it self-love which seems, almost dismissive. This isn’t meant to be confused with some catchall phrase or trendy topic related to getting massages or loving your natural hair-although I fully support both.  True self-love can be ugly. It can feel like loss.  It can bring you to tears and sometimes, if you really get it right, it will bring you to your knees.

Insecurity seemingly sprouted up in my life during a time that was particularly tough and full of transition. It grew in me like an undetectable disease always hiding just under the surface. If we don’t address it, it can replace what you know to be true and logical. It will navigate your decisions and steal moments of joy you can’t get back. I want to discuss how true self-love changed me.  It doesn’t mean I don’t still have days when I wake up wishing a smoothie for breakfast would guarantee a five pound weight loss by lunch. It doesn’t mean I have completely gotten to the place when new opportunities don’t make me wonder for a moment why I was chosen. The only difference now is what immediately follows. Now, I remind myself that I’m beautiful and the body I am in is a blessing. Now I remind myself that I am intelligent and talented and honestly, why not me?

Acknowledge Where it Started

The road back to self-love felt like a long one. I had to be really honest about what event, triggers or feelings I had that allowed me to give in and stay in insecurity. I don’t believe that insecurity is shameful. It is most certainly human. It exists in all of us but the point is to understand when it needs to be checked.  I recognized that for me my triggers came from feelings of rejection. I had to learn to find the gift in not receiving who and what I wanted.

There came a point when I realized I was sharing pieces of myself that I could not get back. It sent me down a path of disappointment within myself that I had no idea I would face. Giving so much of yourself can wreck you if you aren’t careful. It can damage you if the person on the receiving end doesn’t handle it with care. It definitely did its damage, but in hindsight what broke me also provided me with an opportunity to be built back up stronger and more aware. When I was able to find the root I realized the next step would be the task of learning to forgive myself. (Take a deep breath with me here…whew chile). Self-love is about letting go of things that do not call you to greatness. That includes those things that are living inside you.

Know Your Limits

I decided that I wasn’t spiritually equipped to entertain certain things or people in my life anymore. I am often teased about being a gatekeeper. I’m called overprotective and truthfully I own up to that. I can’t risk my space or my growth. What has been spoken over my life is too big, too great a gift. So with anything that threatens my peace I treat it with the intensity it took to regain it.

I had to set boundaries and I had to understand my limits with people, situations and myself. Choosing to be celibate has been the biggest act of self-love I have ever experienced. Choosing to live my life according to God’s word instead of Man’s advice has been curative. With these decisions I realized that it would be a lot of time spent “alone” or perhaps frustrated. It meant some people not understanding me, but it also meant having peace.

Be in Progress

You won’t always get it right. Lord knows that that I don’t. There are times when I feel like I’m starting back at square one. Sometimes I literally am but so what? It will not stop me from doing better or trying harder. Forgiveness is love. Patience is love. If you can extend that type of grace to others why not have some reserved for yourself?

While I am not perfect, I still feel beautiful. I’m too good to be disposable but not good enough to stop the work of becoming better. That is a position I am proud of and will continuously fight for. I am a loving daughter, caring sister, true friend and prepared partner. I’m a business woman and an artist. I deserve every bit of the space that I take up in this world. I call myself into gratitude every day. I will not ask anyone to make room for me. I belong here. Make the decision to love yourself out loud, proudly and without limits. Y’all that is self-love. True love.